Work is busy. And life is even busier.
There's a full-on new-to-me job that zaps my time and energy. It feels like I'm travelling at 100 miles an hour every day and then some. Then there's the fact I somehow have ended up Treasurer of the trust at school in a voluntary position that's taking up a whole lot more of my almost non-existent leisure time and energy in the handover and transition from the previous trustees. Not to mention there's still creche sessions to plan, a 4th birthday party to organise, and a month long overseas trip to prepare for. And that's just in the next month.
The thing that is frustrating the heck outta me right now is that I've been feeling more passionate than I've ever been before about taking my blogging and photography onto bigger and better things.
To one day turn this into a real-life full-time love affair.
That's it. I've done it. Said it. Put it out there.
My dream in black and white.
But right now I feel as if my dream is getting further away each day and not closer. And to be honest it's a bit depressing.
This weekend I'm going to Wellington Blog Camp - I can't wait. I just know I'm going to learn a whole heap of inspiring stuff. I just hope I don't come away feeling even more depressed about the lack of time I have right now to put all the fantastic learning into practice.
The rational, practical me keeps telling myself how lucky I am to have such a well paying job and career. And that I would be foolish to ever trade it in for a creative whim after spending 6 long years studying to get qualified in the first place.
The other side of me says you only live once and why shouldn't I follow my heart and my dreams.
It's an internal battle I have with myself a lot of these days. A battle that I never seem to get any closer to resolving.
On mornings when I pick up the camera and take shots like these, it's like sweet nothings being whispered in my ear. And it feels as if my dream is taunting me, tantalising and still entirely out of reach.
Have you ever faced a dilemma like this?
What did you choose? To follow the rational 'head' choice or follow your dreams and make a 'heart' choice? Did you make a conscious decision or did you simply let the ebb and flow of life eventually choose for you?
I'm not really expecting to resolve this desperate clash of worlds anytime soon, I just wanted to be honest with myself here. And sometimes writing it down instead of merely battling over it internally is incredibly cathartic and feels like what I need.
Wow that's a hard problem!! I have found that last year I was getting overwhelmed by too many things going on and I have since learned to say 'no' a lot easier. Because, as someone wise once said (don't ask me who I don't know! haha) when you are saying 'no' to something that will take your time away from something else, you are saying 'yes' to the thing you really want to spend your time on (e.g. family) .. It sounds like you have a super busy life and I am amazed at all the amazing things you get up to and love reading your blog!! I hope you manage to work out a happy solution!! xo
ReplyDeleteI guess the question you need to ask and keep asking is 'is this blogging/photography/writing really, really what I want to do?' is it something I want enough to be prepared to be on a much lesser salary, will the individual part of it (ie. not working with a staff) be stimulating enough socially, think of all the worst bits and the worst case scenario and if it is still tugging at your heart strings then take this 'one life' you have by the balls and jump. :o) That's my advice. Personally sometimes I know I am in love with the dream of something over the reality but I have incredible respect (and some envy) for people who 1. know what they really, really want to do and 2. are prepared to take all the risks and financial difficulty that might be required to make it a reality. If it is your dream, really your dream then go for it! xxxx also - ask God. x
ReplyDeleteListen to the small voice inside of you and remember that He is able to do far more than we can think or imagine...give over your dreams to Him and you will know what is right. xxxx
ReplyDeleteBeautiful pics too. xxx
I followed my heart xxx
ReplyDeleteI gave up my corporate career and followed my heart into my dream career
Whatever your decision I hope you find peace xxx within your heart xxx
big hugs
Meghan, are you familiar with Carla Coulson (your peeps I love to visit list is not showing)? Your post reminded me of her and I personally find her very inspiring. Best wishes xx
ReplyDeleteIt's a toughie! Learning to say no to stuff I think is step number one. It has certainly helped me alot. So feel where you are coming from... I guess I let life take me where it must mostly... There are many things I'd love to do or not do or change, but the reality is just not really an option, I have to remind myself that the current situation is short-term. Things will change and get easier and at that point hopefully I can actually start to make other things that I dream of really happen. In the meantime I keep dreaming and waiting and try to enjoy the here and now. A bit like Miriam said: I know the reality right now will not be what I dream off, but if I wait... It's hard. so hard. follow your heart and follow His voice. He will show you the way and ease your mind and heart whichever path you end up on x
ReplyDeleteI don't really think life is about "one or the other". I think you can have a bit of everything :) And when you're not so busy (because life does swing in seasons) other things will be a priority (like perhaps your photography?)
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome Meghan. So multi talented, no wonder you feel pulled in so many directions!
ReplyDeleteThose pictures are gasp-worthy; your warmth and loveliness in real life come through loud and clear on this lovely blog you have created, and your parties and lovely family are just wonderful to witness, as a reader.
I have no answers to your dilemma, just admiration for YOU.
x
You're amazing Meghan! I truly hope you find some peace in this soon xxx
ReplyDelete