I'm not in a great space right now. The random stabbing side pain I had back in May that went away without being diagnosed but turned into nasty reflux returned with a vengeance mid last week. Out of the blue. One minute I was fine, working away at my desk. Just a normal Wednesday afternoon. The next minute, I was doubled over with what felt like the worst stitch (like you'd get from running) pain you can imagine.
And here I am, nearly a week later, just battling on. I can't laugh, cough or sneeze without it sending me through the roof in pain. I can't take a deep breath in or fully let my breath out as it hurts too darn much. I can only sleep lying on my back. It hurts to walk, to climb stairs and bend over.
Thankful for a hubby who cares about my well-being and shows it in tangible ways....
After seeing the doctor the day after the pain started, he mentioned the words 'possible peptic ulcer'. He didn't want me to take any anti-inflammatories though (since they think that's what caused the reflex last time). Nor did he want to give me any antibiotics since if it is an ulcer, antibiotics might heal it up and he wanted to see a specialist to get a better idea of what's going on in this silly body of mine.
So now I have to wait another week for a specialist appointment next Wednesday for a gastroscopy (where they put a camera down your throat into the stomach to check for ulcers and other potential gastrointestinal issues) and until then I just have to suck it up and wait. Taking Panadol and Ranitidine. Trying to grin and bear it.
I can't take any time off work (way too busy, right in the financial audit, yada yada yada, you know the drill) so I'll just have to carry on as best I can in the meantime.
So...the pity party inside of me wants to tell you...it kinda sucks to be me right now.
And yet, I still know I have NOTHING to complain about. Not really. I haven't lived with this all my life. Just a week. It's not like I've been managing a life-long debilitating illness like some people have to deal with every.single.day.
But if you're the praying type, I could sure use some prayer right about now. Prayer that if it is an ulcer, that its really obvious from the procedure, so I can get a diagnosis, get treated and get better. And if it's not an ulcer...well I'd also love some prayer that it's obvious to the specialist what IS going on in there....and that it's nothing too serious.
I'm standing on the words of 2 Corinthians 1 v 3-5 (The Message)
3-5All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.
And if you're feeling fit and well and healthy right now, do me a favour. Stop for just a minute and listen to your body. Listen to it humming along. Just quietly doing it's thing. Without you having to give it a second thought.
Take a long, deep breath. In and out. Marvel at the air your body is taking in and out, effortlessly. I'm so much more conscious of this at the moment since I can't take any more than little, shallow breaths without being in pain.
And think about how much we take for granted this body that houses us during our short time here on Earth. How we only ever really notice our bodies, when our health is less than optimal. I know I'm guilty of this. When really, our bodies are a gift. Be thankful for yours.
And in spite of how I feel right now, I'm still thankful for mine.
And also thankful to God for giving me friends like Tracey. Who had no idea I was in this state, but who out of the blue sent me a wonderful voucher for a massage on the weekend. Her gift = His perfect timing.
I still choose to believe He knows best, and that my life is in the palm of His hand.