Work is busy. And life is even busier.
There's a full-on new-to-me job that zaps my time and energy. It feels like I'm travelling at 100 miles an hour every day and then some. Then there's the fact I somehow have ended up Treasurer of the trust at school in a voluntary position that's taking up a whole lot more of my almost non-existent leisure time and energy in the handover and transition from the previous trustees. Not to mention there's still creche sessions to plan, a 4th birthday party to organise, and a month long overseas trip to prepare for. And that's just in the next month.
The thing that is frustrating the heck outta me right now is that I've been feeling more passionate than I've ever been before about taking my blogging and photography onto bigger and better things.
To one day turn this into a real-life full-time love affair.
That's it. I've done it. Said it. Put it out there.
My dream in black and white.
But right now I feel as if my dream is getting further away each day and not closer. And to be honest it's a bit depressing.
This weekend I'm going to Wellington Blog Camp - I can't wait. I just know I'm going to learn a whole heap of inspiring stuff. I just hope I don't come away feeling even more depressed about the lack of time I have right now to put all the fantastic learning into practice.
The rational, practical me keeps telling myself how lucky I am to have such a well paying job and career. And that I would be foolish to ever trade it in for a creative whim after spending 6 long years studying to get qualified in the first place.
The other side of me says you only live once and why shouldn't I follow my heart and my dreams.
It's an internal battle I have with myself a lot of these days. A battle that I never seem to get any closer to resolving.
On mornings when I pick up the camera and take shots like these, it's like sweet nothings being whispered in my ear. And it feels as if my dream is taunting me, tantalising and still entirely out of reach.
Have you ever faced a dilemma like this?
What did you choose? To follow the rational 'head' choice or follow your dreams and make a 'heart' choice? Did you make a conscious decision or did you simply let the ebb and flow of life eventually choose for you?
I'm not really expecting to resolve this desperate clash of worlds anytime soon, I just wanted to be honest with myself here. And sometimes writing it down instead of merely battling over it internally is incredibly cathartic and feels like what I need.